Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize