"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
