I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
