Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
