Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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