can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
