they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
