youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
