i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
