Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
