its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Couch. On fire.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
