why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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