ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
