Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
