I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize