Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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