yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
