another moral hangover. fuck.
Where is the hickey?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
