i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
