OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
