; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize