I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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