That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
