I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
