Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
