and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This baby is an asshole
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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