Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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