mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
