i think my tv is drunk
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and she was petting her beer can
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
