i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
