I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
