Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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