anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
