I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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