Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
