Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
