Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Someone came in the potted fern
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
