and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
