He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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