so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize