and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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