I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
