her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
