yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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