Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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