She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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