Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
