Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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