I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
