you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
