I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
