There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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