do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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