Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
