I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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