The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
