before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
