Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
