I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
