omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize