Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
