I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
