her facebook's as public as her vagina
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
