It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize