like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
