How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
