I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
