did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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