woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
