thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
