Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
