By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
