a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
