Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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