I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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