So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
