Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we made out on top of his cat.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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