I miss the smell of you or some shit.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
