I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
