If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
